Cullens Get a Pet
by Shyrazie
Summary: The Cullens get a pet after a stupid thought Emmetts boredness. Things go kind of strange and akward when you get a pet and your vampire that drinks animal blood and sum things go wrong. FIRST FANFIC STORY EVER! PLZ R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey pplz!!!!!!!!! this is my first ever fanfic story. plz enjoy the story!!!!!!!!!!**

**Story:The Cullens Get a Pet**

**Chapter 1**

BPOV

Joy! Home alone with an idiot, my daughter, a love sick werewolf, and a hyper shopaholic. This is so much fun! As if. The rest went out hunting..._Bam_!

"EMMETT! WHAT DID YOU JUST BREAK!?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. That boy have better not broke another TV! If he did, boy I would get a kick out Esme yelling at him again, I laughed to myself.

"Nothing.....shoot Esme is gonna kill me," Emmett partly whispered. "Heard that! What did you break this time?" I asked, I'm still guessing it was the tv.

"The TV."

No shocker there. Anyways I was right.

"Ooooh! You are in trouble. I wonder what is your punishment this time." I said. I'm gonna enjoy the punishment. Last punishment, Emmett couldn't play with his gameboys (yes, he has them...he even has all the kinds) for a month. It was funny watching him scream and be bored out of his mind and Rosalie wouldn't even be in the same room with him. That made that punishment torchered for him but to us, it was funnier than ever!

I heard footsteps coming from outside. "Emmett, Esme is home with the others," I said,"Reneesme and Jacob! The others are home!" I don't want to no what those two were up to in her room. I shuddered from that thought of my daughter doing that to a love sick werewolf.

"Hi momma! Did Emmett break the TV again," my sweet daughter asked and looked at the TV, "Nevermind, forget I even asked that.....Oooh, Emmett is gonna get in trouble again." I laughed. We all act like 4 year olds when he gets in trouble. I heard Jacob laughing to himself.

"Hello Sweetheart," a velvetly voice whispered in my ear. "Hello Edward," I said while I kissed him,"Emmett broke the TV again." He chuckled

"EMMETT!" a voice screeched. Here comes Esme fuming. It rarely happens to see Esme fuming. Oh boy, but this time there is fire coming out her ears, nose, and mouth. You can even see the fire in her eyes. This is gonna a good punishment.

"I.....uhhhh.......er, ummm.....I DIDN'T BREAK ANYTHING! IT WAS NESSIE!" Emmett helplessly squeaked. It's also rare for Emmett to squeak too. "Emmett! You are grounded from your gameboys and Rosalie for two months!!!!" Esme screamed. Yeah, she's past fuming. "But...why two months?" Emmett just asked the dumbest thing again. "One breaking the TV again and blaming it on Nessie. She has a halo, you have the devil horns right now Emmett. THAT'S WHY!" Never get Esme mad.

* * *

**2 Hours later**

"Ugh! I'm so bored. What to do!" Emmett yelled out of his bored trance. Suddenly he got his thinking face on. Awwww....crap, he is thinking something that we won't enjoy. "Ooooh! I know how about we get a pet! It wouldn't be so bad." Your seriously. OH MY GOSH! Emmett definitely has no brain. This is not gonna go good.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello pplz!!!!!!!!! i see i didnt get any reviews or readers for the last chapter...expect for my friend Crazy Soda girl.

Chapter 2

EMPOV

I said the one sentence that come up in my mind and everyone was looking at me like I'm an idiot. "Emmett, your kidding right?" My sweet, sexy Rosalie asked. "No. What is wrong with having an animal in the house? It's not like we're going to harm it," I said. Seriously what is wrong with having an animal as a pet!?

"God! Your such an idiot Emmett." Edward mumbled.

"HEY!" I heard that.

"Of course you would." Can you explain to me why we can't have an animal in the house? I asked in my thoughts

"First, we drink ANIMAL BLOOD! Second, why can't you just play with Jacob when he phases as a wolf?!" Well, Jacob isnt as fun as a real animal. He is always with Nessie in her room. Picturing Nessie and Jacob doing-

"Emmett," Eddie growled,"and don't call me that!"

"Geez, calm done anger puss!" I'll make a deal with you.

"And what would that deal be?" I'll clean up the animal's crap, feed it, give it shelter, play with it, and maybe stop calling you Eddie(as if that's going to happen). "Fine," he grumbled. A big smile grew on my face. I'M GETTING A PET! I started squealing like Alice. Edward looked at me with a strange look. "I'll go tell the others" He grumbled again.

RPOV

I can't believe we are getting a pet. Emmett better clean up that animal's crap.

ESPOV

I'm not apart of this pet thing. GAH!

CPOV

Okay.....

JPOV

I wonder how Jacob will take this. Well everyone expect for Emmett have annoyance as a feeling right now. Emmett is overjoyed. He is annoying.

RENPOV

A pet. I think having a bunch of werewolves in the house is better than having a pet in the house.

JACPOV

YOUR KIDDING ME! Let's just pray it's not a dog. That would akward.

BPOV

Sigh. Emmett never understands anything. He is an idiot. How did he graduated through all those times in all those high schools?

APOV

Let's just hope that animal doesn't chew up my clothes or anyones clothes, or that animal lunch. Edward chuckled at that.

EPOV

Everyone isn't taking that well. Rosalie is pissed, Esme is pissed too (of course), Carlisle is thinking that would akward, Jasper sensing the emotions, Nessie thinking that having a bunch of werewolves at the house is better than having a pet, Jacob very pissed, and Alice might get pissed at the animal if chews up her clothes or anyones clothes.

Oooh, I want a dog as a pet! Aw...crap.

EMPOV

I know what I want for a pet! A DOG! Now I just got figure out what it's name should be.

List of names for a boy dog:  
Steak Tidbit (A/N: Tidbit means a little amount of food)  
Food Fatty Blood

List of names for a girl dog:  
Yummy Delicious Cooked prime Juicy Meat

Edward is giving me a strange. "What?!"

"Nothing," He sighed

I think the dog should be a bloodhound or a minature sheltie or a collie. I hear those are cool dogs.

I'm gonna go tell this to the family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A/N: plz review. I know its a little strange but it will get funnier in other chapters!!!!! PLZ CLICK THIS BUTTON 


	3. Chapter 3

I**m still writing this story!!!! idc if u like it or not!!!!**

**Me:I OWN TWILIGHT MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!**

**Emmett:sadly u dont dude......**

**Me:Jeez emmett u had to ruin my fun here.....party pooper**

**Emmett:IM NOT A PARTY POOPER!!!!!!!!**

**Me:watever...I do not own Twilight or the characters expect i own the animals. *mutters* party pooper**

**Emmett:I HEARD THAT!!!!**

**Me:*sigh*lets just get on with the story.**

**JACPOV**

Emmett is getting a dog as a pet. Seriously! The man needs to grow a brain. That dog that Emmett is getting better not sniff my ass. "I wouldn't count on that Jacob," Edward said. Of course, the minder reader would be reading my mind....

"In the car people! We are going to the dog pound," Emmett yelled. Joy! There will be millions of dogs trying to sniff my ass now.

**~*~**

We are at the dog pound. Luckily the dogs haven't sniffed my butt yet....

"AHHH! ITS UGLY!" Emmett screeched. I see what dog he was looking at. A bloodhound. That's not a shocker. It has the word blood in it and it's not the world's prettiest dog ever. "Oooh! This is a pretty doggy! It looks like a lassie. No, wait there are two lassies!" Emmett squealed. Why does the man have to squeal! Some one please put duct tape on his mouth. It would be less painful to hear than Alice's squealing.

Edward chuckled.

I see two dog leashes in Emmett's hand. Great! Two dogs more the shit and toture!

**EMPOV**

God, who knew bloodhounds were ugly! Who knew lassie was a collie! "Everyone Emmett," Edward mumbled. Wow I didn't know that. "Of course you didn't. You are just as dumb as a peanut. Never mind that a peanut knows how to grow." I will ignore that and pretend I didn't hear that. Oooooooh! Look at those to pretty doggies! They look like mini shelties. "Ummm.....Dude over there. Are these two puppies for sale?" I asked. The dude walked over and said, "Yeah they are for sale....but ummm....they aren't from the same liter. The big one is a boy and the little one is a girl." "I'll take them."

The guy grabs to leashes and puts the leashes around pup's necks. The dogs smells better than Jacob and more yummier tasting. "Emmett," Edward warned under his breathe, no human could hear. Whatever. I grabbed the leashes from the dude. "All I need you is to sign these paper and you can go." "Okay." I sign the papers. Wow...so confusing....i just signed the ones i could read.

Eddie boy sighed. He growled. _What?!_ I asked in my head. "Don't call me that and sign there too." Okay...geez somebody has their panties in a twist. The dude handed me the leashes and kennels that have the pups in them. We walk to the others and Jacob's face was furious. I couldn't careless what he thought about my dogs. We all started heading towards the car.

**~*~**

"So Emmett....What are the names are the dogs?" Alice asked. "Girl is named Yummy and the boy is named Food." I simply said. Alice stared at me like I grew another head. "Seriously Emmett?" She asked. "Yes, I even have their tags. SEE!" I said. I think I just heard Jacob saying 'Lord, please give Emmett a brain or grow a brain.' I simply ignored that. I put the pups out of their cage and put their collars on. "Their you go Yummy and Food." I said to them. They puppies ran off playing. Yummy gave me a rope. I grabbed an end of it and she bit on the other; we played tug-o-war. (I used human strength.)

"EMMETT!" someone screeched. That screech was Alice. "EMMETT GET YOUR LAZY ASS UP HERE NOW! OR ELSE!" she screeched. What is she screeching about? She just scared poor Yummy. "Dog." Edward said._ Ohhhh......I knew that...Pfft I definetly knew that I was just testing you_, I thought. "Sure Emmett.." I wonder what Food did to make Alice screech and scare poor little Yummy.

-  
**THERE U HAVE IT!!!!!! jee i wonder wat alice screeched about.**

**Emmett:Oooooh! i no!!!!!**

**Me:of course u do chickenbutt. u r in the plot.**

**Emmett and I:PEACE PPLZ!!!!!! AND HAVE A FUDGING GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**SO SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN UPDATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST LIFE BEEN BUSY SOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I had writers block a bit sorry!  
**

**Alice: Yea she has been busy**

**Me: No shit sherlock I think they got that.....**

**Alice: Whatever.....I can't believe what u made that dog do to m-**

**Me: ALICE! Shut your big mouth you are going to ruin the story for everyone you know**

**Alice: yea but what happ-**

**Me: just shut your big mouth and i'll go shopping with you**

**Alice: *squeals* YAY!**

**Me: O.o shit I hate shopping why did I say that**

**Alice: No missy no backing on your word because you don't want me to ruin the story. Now do you?**

**Me: fine.....*grumbles***

**Alice: On with the disclaimer**

**Me: I hate you.....I don't own twilight or the character but I own the dogs! HELP ME! PLZ!**

**Alice: Not happening missy.......*drags me into her porsche***

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**EMPOV**

Why is Alice screeching? It can't be that bad of Yummy did. I walk up stairs and walk into her room. "What's wrong, Alice? All I see are chewed up purse and a scared Yummy with her tail curled under her?" I questioned. "EMMETT! THAT PURSE WAS GUCCI! THAT DOG CHEWED IT UP!" she yelled. Yummy ran to Jacob and Nessie, and went right behind them. Hey.....why is she not behind me? I'm the person who bought her.

Then the thought hit me. Edward chuckled, "He thinks for the first time." I'm not dumb Eddie boy. Do I look dumb to you? "Don't call me that and yes Emmett you do." he chuckled. Whatever Eddie boy, I'm very smarticles enough to know how to work an elevator, I thought. "Emmett, it took you twenty minutes to figure out how to work the elevator." he stated out. "But at least I got it to work." How was I suppose to know that you weren't suppose to press the button of the floor your on?! "Everyone."

"EMMETT AND EDWARD STOP TALKING OR I'M GOING TO KILL BOTH OF YOU!" she screamed. "Alice, it was just a purse plus poor Yummy didn't know better, she just got here." I stated smartly. "Fine but you better buy me a new purse and discipline the dog," she said. "Okay...." I said while looking turning around seeing that there was a pair of shoes chewed up to.....maybe I shouldn't tell about that to save the poor pup's life.

"Yummy, come here." I demanded. She walked to me with her head down knowing she did something wrong. Wow she learned her name fast. "No more chewing up Alice's stuff. So bad Yummy." I told her. She looked down and ran from the room fast like she was scared of Alice. Can't blame her.

**~*~**

I was sitting on the couch with Rosalie and Food. Seemingly, Food seems to like Rosalie little bit more; for some odd reason Yummy likes Nessie and Jacob more. She is sitting on Nessie's lap and Jacob is actually bonding with the puppy. "I like this one better," Jacob stated, "She hasn't had the urge to sniff my ass unlike Food has." We all laugh at that. "Now was it a bad idea to be getting dogs?" I asked. "Yes it is. What I saw in the vision I just had, I'm feeling sorry for Food." Alice said. "Wait why?" I asked curiously. "It would be you and your stupidity." How would I be stupid? Wait, never mind. Don't answer that Eddie boy.

Food jumped off the couch and head to the kitchen. Why is the dog going to the kitchen? "Emmett, Food might be hungry." Edward said like I was an idiot. "Oh, I knew that," I said, "Hey Jacob? Would it be okay if Food uses your dog bowl Rosalie made you?" (A/N: Remember from Breaking Dawn, when Rosalie made a dog bowl for Jacob and wrote Fido on it?) "Sure," He replied. I walked to the kitchen and I grabbed the Rosalie's hand made dog bowl and the one we bought for Yummy. I poured in Science Diet dog food in both bowls and yelled, "YUMMY AND FOOD, COME AND GET YOUR FOOD!" Both puppies ran to the bowls and ate.

I went back to Rosalie and kissed her roughly. Then the kiss got more urgent. "EMMETT GET A ROOM!" Jacob yelled, covering Nessie's eyes, "MY EYES, MY INNOCENT EYES! IT BURNS, NOW GET A ROOM!" I grabbed Rosalie and ran to our room in Vampire speed; locked our room and threw Rosalie on the bed. Getting undressed....well you get the picture. (A/N: I'm no way in hell writing about them having sex its to violating everyone's eyes. I prefer to keep it simple and sweet and not lemony)

**JACPOV**

I took my hands off of Nessie's eyes. "I hate it when he does that," I grumbled. "It's okay. Remember sometimes they can be worse than that." my sweet Nessie said, then giving me a peck on the lips. I smile like an idiot. I'm whipped.

I hear foot steps that sound like Seth's. "Time for your patrol, Jacob" He said. I sigh, "I'll be back." Giving Nessie a sweet kiss and I walk out the door. I take off my jeans and phase. I start to walk a bit when I feel something behind. I look behind me, Food is sniffing my ass.....I growled at him but he doesn't stop and starts to my ass. God help me.....I turn around and growl at him. His eyes get big and wide; runs off back into the house. I hate that dog. I hear every one in the house laughing. Grrr.........I really hate that dog.

**SPOV(Seth POV)**

I was looking out the window and I saw the whole scene. It was really hilarious. It was a sight to see but man I feel kinda of sorry for Jake to be in that situation. "Seth, are you hungry?" Esme asked. "Yes," I answered back. Esme is like a second mother to me. Her and Sue, my mom, get along very well. "Seth your food is ready." She calls out. I walk into the kitchen to see five steaks. Mmmmmmm....her food is very good for a vampire who doesn't eat.

**NEPOV**

Poor Jake and poor Food. Jake must feel really annoyed and pissed. Jake scared the living daylights out of Food. Food is next to Carlisle, laying their scared half to death. The door opens and Food flinches, scared of it being Jacob. But luckily to Food, it's Emmett and Rosalie. Their hair is very messy. Ugh...I really don't want to be in the same room with them since they just had sex and they get very sexual after that. Gah! They can't keep their hands off each other. Ugh, disturbing; where is Jacob when I need...Oh, right patroling. Yummy jumps on to my lap and she starts to like hand and I start to pet her. I giggle a bit because her tongue tickles a bit.

Emmett looks at Food and asks, "What happened?" We all start to laugh, remembering what happened to poor Food. Food runs to them and hides behind them. "Jacob phased for patrol and Food some how got out of the house. Food was sniffing Jacob's butt and he started to like his butt. Jacob turned around and growled at Food. He scared the living daylights out the pup." explained Jasper.

Jacob comes in and yells out, "I really hate that dog!" Food runs away from the room and hide. Jacob slam the door that leads to our room. That's my cue to go and talk to him. I sigh and get up. I walk up the stair with Yummy behind me. I get into the room and shut the door with Yummy still behind. She walks to a corner and lies there. "Jacob, sweetie are you okay?" I asked. "No...I hate that dog." he grumbles. "Jake, you're kind of overreacting this. It's not that bad plus remember what Alice said. Something bad might happen to Food. Because of Emmett." I explained to him. "Good," he grumbles again. Even though Jacob hates the pup, I gotta admit I feel sorry for him from whatever Emmett is going to do to him.

* * *

**WELL THERE YOU HAVE IT!!!!!!!! OOOOO BUT WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO FOOD?!?!?!??! You may never know due to Emmett's stupidity,**

**Emmett: I'M NOT STUPID!**

**Me: You so are.......Alice stop whining**

**Alice: EMMETT YOU STILL OWE ME A NEW PURSE!**

**Emmett: What about the shoes that were in your clos- crap.**

**Alice: EMMETT YOU ARE GOING TO BY ME NEW SHOES TOO! YOU ARE SO DEAD!**

**Emmett: Ummm....I'm already dead.**

**Me: Lame joke Emmett. Alice you do know your having Emmett buy you those when it could be really crappy.**

**Alice: That's true, I'll just use him as a barbie doll *grabs Emmett by the shirt***

**Emmett: Come on, Way. Help me.....**

**Me: No...You didn't save from Alice taking me shopping and she bought alot of skirts and I hate skirts here. ANYWAYS....HAPPY NEW YEARS AND REVIEW PLZ!!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much for the reviews!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It made my day brighter!**

**Alice: It did but not Emmett's**

**Me: Lol yeah I don't really feel sorry for Emmett though, he kind of deserved it and yet I don't know why**

**Alice: You should see what Emmett looks like. I gave him a major make over.**

**Me: Lol. Wait, where is Emmett anyways?**

**Alice: Oh, let me get him....EMMETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Me: Ow Alice....Remember partially deaf that really hurt my ears. Did you have to yel-OMG EMMETT**

**Emmett: Yeah yeah. Just shut up. Alice can I get out of this dress please**

**Me: Nice makeup and heels.....It looks like you have man boobs......**

**Alice: Why are you even looking there?**

**Me: I have no idea why but it makes the dress stand out more LOL**

**Emmett: Wait I have boobs?! *looks down at chest* hey I Kind of do but I don't have a vagi-**

**Me: EMMETT PLEASE DON'T GO THERE! If this is your way of getting to do disclaimer. I do not own Twilight but I own Yummy and Food. I hate you Emmett**

**Emmett: I love you, too. Oh and I love my fans, I love you guys....**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**SPOV**

Well yesterday was funny. Hmmm.....I'm kind of hungry. I phase and walk in the house. Nessie and Jacob are the only ones in the house. The rest of them went to go hunting. Leah, well she has gone to college. I mess her even though she was a really big pain in my butt. But I loved her.

I feeling a tug on my pant leg. I look down and there is Yummy pulling on my pants. All of a sudden my pants down....shit...that was my last pair! I look at Yummy; she runs off and plays tug a war with my pants. Where am I going to find more pants.....I hear a shriek.

"Seth, go put some clothing on please!" Nessie yells at me while covering her eyes. Jacob is at Nessie's side and looks at what me and shakes his head. He pulls Nessie to his chest. "Dude, what happened to putting on clothing?" he asks angerly. "Ummm....Yummy was pulling on my pant leg and she tore them off my body. Now she is playing tug a war with food using my pants. Also that was my last pair of pants" I replied. "Nessie go to our room, please," he told her. She nodded head and walked to their room.

Jacob walks off to somewhere and comes back while throwing something at me. "There you having clothing," he said. "Thanks man," I tell him. I put on the jeans and walk to were Yummy was. I made sure I was holding on to the jeans. "Yummy. Come here," I demanded. She walks over to me, looking guilty. She looks down. "That was a mean thing to do. Bad girl," I scold her. She starts to lick my hand as if to make it up to me. It was kind of cute. Crap, now I'm sounding like a girl.

Hmmm.....these pants are kind of small on me.

* * *

**EPOV**

We were all hunting. It was a sunny day, so we all decide to go hunting. "Emmett, you better be scolding Yummy when we get home," Alice tells him. "Why?" he asks. I read Alice's mind, Yummy is playing with someone's pants, I laugh. "Well Yummy is chewing up someone's pants," she stated out to him. "Whose pants?" he asks. "I don't know. How should I know," she tells him.

Well this ought to be interesting when we get home.

* * *

**EMPOV**

I walk into the house to see Yummy and Food playing tug-a-war with someone's pants?! I look more closer and those seem to look like Seth's pants. "Hey Seth? Why are the dogs playing with your jeans?" I asked. Seth walks in wearing my pants.....MY PANTS?!?!?! Why the hell is he wearing my pants?! If he is trying to get Rosalie in his bed, hell that will never happen! (A/N: This little author note is to one of the ppl who reviewed my story saying emmett is theirs....AliceCullen'sBarbie, wouldn't you be happy if Rosalie left Emmett for Seth and YOU had Emmett all to your self? lol now on with the story) "Oh...right, well Yummy pulled my pants off....and then I was butt naked. She went to go play with Food along with my pants. Then Nessie came in and uhhh....ummmm....yea....." He replied. It seems like he is taking something out in the sentence.

"Dude, why are you wearing my pants?" I asked him. He looked a bit confused. "That explains why the pants felt kind of small," he muttered. "Are you saying that I'm small?!" I yelled at him. "W-what? NO!" he says. He looks around and grabs a spoon as if to protect himself. I raise an eyebrow at him and start to laugh. "I have a spoon and I'm not afraid to use it!" he told me. "Really dude," I ask him. He nods his head. Wow.......never really thought he would be a wimp.

All of a sudden, Seth is being held by the neck by Edward. Eddie boy is growling. Hmmmm.....I wonder why. "You, mutt! My sweet innocent daughter saw you butt naked?!" Eddie boy yelled. Oooooh.....that explains the stuff he lefted out, I thought in my head. "It was an accident! I didn't think she would see me like that after what Yummy did. Plus its not she hasn't seen Jacob like that.....Whoops, shit" he ranted. He just hit the bad note, Eddie boy is going to kill him. I started to think...Eddie boy hasn't killed me for calling him Eddie boy. "Your next Emmett," he said. Shit I shouldn't have thought of that. I run to hide behind Rosalie, just like Food does when he is scared.

"Edward, it was an accident and I solved it by giving him Emmett's pants," Jacob says, saving the wimps life. "Hey when am I suppose to get those back?" I ask peeping out from behind Rose. "Never," Seth mutters lowly. "But those were my good pants that Rosie liked on me because they made me look good and sexy," I said reasonably. They people in the room all shake their heads. "What?" I ask them. They just ignore me. HOW RUDE! I would like to feel some respect here. "Emmett, just shut up and don't call me that stupid nickname," he grumbles. "But Eddie boy it's so fun to sa-OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" He freaking punched. "I never knew you were the one for violence, Eddi-," he gives me a death glare, "Edward." That hurt and I'm the strongest vampire in this family. "Emmett. Bella beat you a couple times in the arm wrestling matches," he tells me. "Gee thanks, Edward for reminding me," I grumble. What a nice brother, note the sarcasm.

Hmmm....I wonder where Yummy and Food is...."EMMETT! GET YOUR ASS UP HERE!" Alice and Bella screech. " I can't believe this, they are puppies and yet they are doing that!" Bella says. I run up the stairs to see something I would never suspect to see.

* * *

**Me: Oooooh......Cliffy!!!!! DONT KILL ME!!!!! *grabs wooden spoon***

**Emmett: Sooo....Way....Is AliceCullen'sBarbie really interested in me?**

**Me: *smacks head with the spoon* ow....yes emmett but I thought you wanted Rosalie.**

**Emmett: well I just wanted to give it a try you know what I'm talking abo-**

**Rosalie: Oh no you don't *grabs emmett by the ear and drags him***

**Emmett: ow.....ow ow ow ow....PLEASE MY FANS SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**

**Me: WELL THERE YOU HAVE IT NOW PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I give credit to my best bud Crazy Soda girl for giving me the idea for the end of this chapter.**


	6. Author's Note

Hello! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That I haven't been able to update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's just that my old computer was being a meanie butt. So I got a mini laptop now!!!!!! I promise I will try to update more!!!!!!!!! Just please don't hurt me I do have Emmett with me but I'm not afraid to use him. Right, Emmett?

Emmett: grumbles……No.

Me: uhhhhhhh…….well I guess he is still mad at me for torturing him and putting him into a dress. BYE!!!!!!


	7. Chapter 6

Hello!!!!!!! I'm not gonna do much talking because Emmett here is ignoring me like a big baby…..

Emmett: …..

Well umm…….I guess disclaimer I don't own Twilight or the characters but I own the dogs!!!!!!!!!!

EmPOV

I run into the room just to see Food humping Yummy. Wow I'm watching doggy porn. "GO FOOD! GET YOUR PLEASURES!" I yell out to the dog. I felt three slaps behind my head. "EMMETT!" the women shriek at me. Why did they just hit me? I look back at the dogs going at it. I want to see Food get a good fuck.

"Emmett, the dogs can't even do that because they are too young or the puppies they make will come out deformed." (A/N: Puppies don't hump each other till they are of age which is 8 months I think or when the female gets in heat. So beware I kind of made it up.) Really? That sad…..Now Food can't go fucking other female doggies in the neighborhood. Edward just shook his head.

Jacob walks in saying "What's with all the commotion? Whoa……What the hell are they doing?" "Humping. What else?" I replied. "I know that Emmett……It wasn't a question to be answered, Dumbass," he said. Hmmmmmmmm……….I wonder if that's what it looks like when Jacob is having sex with Nessie. Edward growled. What? I'm just thinking. "Your thoughts, I don't wish to see that of my daughter, Dumbass," Edward growled again. Geez, did he not get his daily sex or something? He growled again.

"What was he thinking about?" Jacob asked. "Nothing," he muttered, "He is just being a dumbass." "Hey……Why am I being called dumbass?" I asked. "That's cause you are one," Jake said. "Hey…..That's not nice" "Dumbass," the women mutter. EVEN MY OWN ROSIE CALLED ME A DUMBASS! I feel the hurt.

"Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass, and you are a dumbass to the power of one trillion." Jake mocked. "Hey….." I said. "Hey is for horses, dumbass." Jake said again.

There was barking and growling. Yummy was the one barking and growling. She looked mad. Ooooh…..What did Food do? Food had his tail underneath as if he got in trouble. He ran and hide behind me. Now Yummy was snarling. She bared her teeth showing viciousness. Okay so Food probably pissed her off.

"No shit, Sherlock," Edward muttered.

Wait, I'm Sherlock?! Edward just shook his head again. "It's a phrase, dumbass." He said.

Oh right….I knew that.

"Really Emmett?" he said in a bored tone

No…..actually and sadly. FINE I WILL ADMIT IT I'M DUMB AND A DUMBASS! Now he was laughing at me. Well you know what……you're……you're……uhhhhhhhh MEANIE BUTT! "Meanie butt, really Emmett?"

Yes, meanie butt. It was all I could come up with. All there is in my brain is spiders and cobwebs. Now I'm picturing spiders and cobwebs in my head….

See. My head is just empty and I didn't have a good comeback. No wait, I do. Jackass rolling your own shit. SEE WHAT NOW!

He just shook his at me again. Is he ever getting dizzy with that head shaking? Now, he is pinching the bridge of his nose.

I look around me and I see everyone left even the dogs did. Well hmmmm…..I'm gonna go find Rosie to see if we can go have a nice enjoyable fuck.

I ran downstairs to Rosie alone in a hall. I grab her and start to kiss her neck. "Emmett……" She moaned and that's all I needed.

RenPOV

I was watching the puppies interact with each other because Jake is patrolling. So far, Food has been trying to be apologetic to Yummy. He tried crawling to her and have puppy eyes look but she would just snarl at him. Poor Food.

I get up to the doggy treats cabinet and pull out the pig ears. I grab two pig ears. Then for some odd reason the hand with pig ears felt empty. I look and see Food with the two pigs ears in his mouth. "Hey…." I said. I follow Food to see him crawl up to Yummy and drop the pig ears in front of her. Awwww…..That is so cute. Yummy looks at the pig ears and grabs the bigger one and Food takes the smaller. He seems happy. I can tell the dog is wagging his tail. Just like how Jake wags his tail when he is happy….Funny sight too.

I look back at the dogs and they are now playing. I smile. I hear footsteps. Jake. "Hey babe." He says. "Hey Jake," I reply while he hugs me and kisses my forehead. "Do you want to watch the dogs with me?" I ask. "Sure," he smiles at me. We sit down and watch the dogs. Laughing at them.

TADA THERE YOU GO AS PROMISED!!!!!!!! Hoped you like it. I was on a bit of writers block just a tad. I have a few authors y'all might like:

Yay4shanghai (she is awsum)

Liljenrocks (one of the stories along with sequel follow Yay4shanghai's universe)

Rob-on-a-stick (I think that is how you spell it)

Crazy Soda Girl (she is writing an awesome story right now and she is also one of my best friends)

DREWHHR (she is a harry potter author but great)

I'm trying to get a pic of the dogs. They will be on my profile soon. So I have nothing left to say since Emmett is still ignore me…..Though he is rather pissed about the dumbass thing continuation. That reminds me if any of you can count how many times dumbass was type I will give a sneak peak on the plot.

Bye!

Way


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